The Best Of… II

“You may now kiss the bride.” Smiling, the minister motioned for the two to seal their pledge with the traditional kiss.

Slowly lifting the veil, the groom grinned foolishly at his bride. Lowering his head, their lips met, their arms wrapped around their tense bodies and pulled one another close.

The congregation performed the prescribed “Ooo”s and “Ah”s for a few moments, then clapped, fully expecting the two to separate and continue on with the wedding.

The two in question, however, had other ideas.

As everyone began to realize that, unlike the phrase in the song, a kiss was not just a kiss, signs of extreme discomfort began to appear on both sides of the aisle. The bride and groom sank noisily to the floor of the stage, becoming more passionate and earnest in their so-called kiss.

As if on cue, the bridesmaid and groomsman immediately behind the flower girl and bible boy placed sweaty hands over the children’s eyes, attempting to protect their innocent souls from a moment of such an adult nature, but found they could do nothing about the sounds emanating from the intertwined couple. The remainder of the congregation either resigned itself to waiting until the two had concluded their business or stared on in perverse interest.

* * * * *

Twenty minutes later, sweaty and flushed, the two separated and resumed their rather more traditional roles in the wedding ceremony. The minister, to his credit, recovered nicely, pointedly ignoring the disruption and pronounced them “man and wife,” muttering under his breath that he didn’t know why he had to say that since everyone now knew it anyway.

* * * * *

Someone later commented that they had never been to a nicer wedding.