Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda

Thanks to a bit of creativity on my Freedom of Information Act request, I received the following transcripts of the conversations between Saddam Hussein and an unidentified al Qaeda operative.

Naturally, these conversations buttress the Administration’s repeated claims of a link between the Iraq and al Qaeda, so it’s rather a mystery why these transcripts haven’t been released to the general public as it’s quiet obvious that the contents are quite suggestive.

But I’ll leave that for you to see.

CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY Supplementary Intelligence: Transcript Saddam Hussein/Al Qaeda 19940309A

[Translated from Arabic] 0317 Local Time Saddam Hussein: Hello? Al Qaeda Operative: [Loud Arabic music in background] Hello? SH: Yes? Hello? AQ: Hey!— SH: Hello? AQ: —Dude [Arabic equivalent. –trans.]! Man, you’ve gotta come over! SH: Who is this? AQ: [Laughter] What? I can’t hear you! C’mon over! There’s boomin’ music, plenty of food, lots of people. Get over here! Aww yeah [Arabic equivalent. –trans.]. . . SH: Ali? That you? Go home, you fool! AQ: [Laughter] This isn’t Ali, man! C’mon, loosen up a little! Party [Arabic equivalent. –trans.]! SH: What is this? Who do you think you’re talking to? AQ: Whaddaya mean? It’s you, man, or I wouldn’t be talking to you! Geez, try to invite a guy to a party and [mumbles off into riotous

1

CIA - Saddam Hussein/Al Qaeda 19940309A

background noise]. . . SH: [Loudly] Do you know who I am? AQ: What is this, twenty questions? [Singing] “Say my name, say my name. . .” [Didn’t realize the song was popular over there. –trans.]. Dude, c’mon: what’s up with you? SH: [Roaring] I am Saddam Hussein! Who are you? AQ: [Laughter] And I’m George Bush! Just come over! [George Bush Impersonation—doubly impressive since done in Arabic. –trans.] We can settle our differences here! [Call Terminated]

2

CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY Supplementary Intelligence: Transcript Saddam Hussein/Al Qaeda 19940309B

0321 Local Time SH: Hello? AQ: [Loud Arabic music in background] What’d you hang up on me for? I just wanted to— SH: [Angrily] Who the hell is this? AQ: [Cheerfully] It’s me, man! Don’t be such a [expletive deleted]. Just come over. . . SH: Did you just call me a [expletive deleted]? A [expletive deleted]? Just who do you think you’re talking to, you piece of camel [expletive deleted]! AQ: What’s your problem, man? I just wanted to invite you to the party! SH: Do you know what time it is? AQ: It’s— SH: It’s three-[expletive deleted]-twenty in the [expletive deleted] morning. Why the hell do you think I’d want to go to your lame [Arabic equivalent. –trans.] party at three-in-the-[expletive deleted]-morning? AQ: Man, chill [Arabic equivalent. –trans.]! SH: You chill [Arabic equivalent. –trans.] with your camel, [expletive deleted]! [Call Terminated]

1

CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY Supplementary Intelligence: Transcript Saddam Hussein/Al Qaeda 19940309C

0345 Local Time SH: Hello! AQ: [Loud Arabic music in background] What the hell’s wrong with you? SH: You call me at three in the morning and you ask me what’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? AQ: Dude [Arabic equivalent. –trans.], we’re havin’ a lot of fun without you. You know you wanna come over. . . SH: I know I don’t want to come over. I’ve got a big meeting in the morning and I need to get some sleep. AQ: What about? SH: What about what? AQ: What’s the meeting about? SH: What meeting. AQ: [Slowly, as if talking to small stupid child] The “big meeting” you have in the morning that you just told me about but are now avoiding. SH: It’s classified. AQ: So? You think I don’t know what it’s about? I’ll bet it’s about the U.S. and just what you’re going to do about them.

1

CIA - Saddam Hussein/Al Qaeda 19940309C

SH: So what if it is? AQ: Man, this party’s to talk about the same thing! You can meet here! SH: I doubt your little party can really contribute a whole lot to my options, thanks. AQ: What do you mean? SH: [Patronizingly] I somehow doubt a little party of riff-raff and malcontents is going to help me a whole lot. I’m trying to plan for a country here, and you guys are just getting together, eating like pigs, and shooting the breeze. AQ: You know what?— SH: What? AQ: —We’ve been trying to invite you to participate in this meeting because we thought you cared about the future, but you’re being a total jerk [Arabic equivalent. –trans.] about this, so forget it. You’re not invited, Muhammad. SH: I’ve told you: I’m not your little buddy Muhammad; I’m Saddam Hussein. AQ: Whatever [Arabic equivalent. –trans.]. . . You’re being a [expletive deleted], so you’re off the team. Forget you, man. SH: [Roaring] For the last time, I’m Saddam Hussein, not your little pal whoever!

2

CIA - Saddam Hussein/Al Qaeda 19940309C

AQ: [To someone else] Dude, check the number: Who’m I calling? [Pause] You sure? You positive? Oh, [expletive deleted]. [To SH] Aw, man. I’m sorry. You’re totally not who I thought you were. Forget the whole thing. SH: [Expletive deleted]! [Call Terminated]

3